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Growing up is not what it is cracked up to be. I wish I could ask 5 year old me what all the excitement was about. Half of my friends are on their way to marriage, and the other half of us are drowning in vodka (I’m obviously in the latter category). I’ve got no idea what I’m doing and I seem to be having daily mental breakdowns about the fact that I’m turning 25 in a couple of months. I may be a 90’s baby but I feel OLD AS FUCK. I’m joining the quarter century club and fuck me can’t I go back to being 18 again?

On top of that I’ve just qualified as a lawyer and my boss tells me on the reg that I know nothing and I’m shit. OH, the joys of work. I’ve also been on my period for a good MONTH now because the stress of working as a lawyer makes my body bleed (don’t ask me – the doctors said it’s how I cope). And last but not least my CONSTANT period is making me eat the world so I’ve got fat. Oh and I haven’t had sex in SO LONG because this stupid period is lasting longer than the great wall of fucking china.

So, two months from being 25 and I’m consistently hungover, single (unless you count coffee as a boyfriend), bleeding, fat and sexless. Can anyone recommend a cliff? Cue the proverbial FACE-PLANT.

On top of all this shit that has come hurling toward me, I just found out that a guy I slept with a few months ago had a girlfriend at the time. One word: CLASSIC. Men, you never change.

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Maybe 25 will be the year I settle down, get the promotion I’ve been dreaming of, lose loads of weight and stop drinking.


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