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I think I’m sane enough to write this now, having recovered from my complete emotional breakdown this morning.

This breakdown caused me to message my ex boyfriend, delete facebook on my phone, cry to a client and eat the entire canteen fridge at work.

Do you know whose fault it was? Facebook’s. Facebook and its fucking daily memories.

Listen Facebook, I don’t want to see myself sitting on a beach in Sydney two years ago looking tanned, skinny and well slept. My black coffee breakfast did not taste as good after you showed me the brunch I was having at Nobu in Miami 3 years ago. My tired and greyish skin did not feel as fresh after you showed me it glowing at a spa weekend 4 years ago. And my window view of the rain was not so comforting after you showed me my rooftop view in Mexico 5 years ago. My hungover and hormonal self did not need to see that, you piece of shit. STOP IT FACEBOOK, JUST STOP IT.

I don’t know what was worse. The screen full of holiday photos or the fact that my ex boyfriend played a consistent part in them. How wonderful it was to be reminded of the care-free, young, romantic, tanned life I once lead.

It didn’t help that I could feel a small little man banging on the inside of my skull, and another twisting a knife into my ovaries whilst I cried and shouted at my iphone. Periods, hangovers and facebook memories are not a good mix.

So Mr Mark Zucker-whats-your-face, I’ve deleted your stupid app and I think it is best we go our separate ways for now. You do you, and I’ll do me, okay?