Dear Honking Moron,

I have not been able to catch you in person. This is because you are always driving whenever I hear you. I wonder if you could answer some questions for me?

Have you never seen a female before? Do you beep at all pedestrians? Are my shorts too short? Do I look fat? Do you have some sort of weird reflex problem where you cannot help but honk?

I’d like you to know, Honking Moron, that honking at me is not doing you any favours. It does not make me think you are attractive, cool or boyfriend material. Sorry, Honking Moron, but it makes my skin crawl. It makes me think you are a creep and it makes me want to punch you in the face. I think you should probably stop.

Maybe you are honking at me because you think I’m attractive. Maybe you think my bum looks good? Well, Honking Moron, I have some advice for you. If you like the look of a girl, or you want her number, the first step is to get out of your car. You beep at me, you shout out your window, you drive off. This is not getting you any closer to me talking with you. Are you too scared to talk to girls?

Or maybe, Honking Moron, you just think it is funny. Is it funny to honk at a stranger and shout “oi oi” at them in broad daylight? I can confirm; it is not funny. It is weird and on behalf of all pedestrians; please shut up.

Oh and by the way, Honking Moron, you should probably get rid of that shitty micra 2002 plate you drive. It’s making you look like a Tool.

Hoping to never hear from you again…

Kind regards,

The Pedestrian who thinks you’re a dick

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